Random Thoughts

ESPN - Nomar Garciaparra and the Oakland Athletics have agreed to terms on a one-year deal, according to a report in the San Francisco Chronicle.

Well it looks like the wildcard hunt just got a lot more interesting with the Angels in the mix now. Because make no mistake about it. The AL West belongs to Nomar and Oakland. So let's just keep our fingers crossed that this isn't the year that trading Nomar finally comes back to bite the Sox in the ass.

Introducing Joanne from Providence College.   Hmm this might just be what the Friars need to get them off the bubble and into the NCAA Tournament.   I mean this looks almost as good on their resume as beating Pittsburgh.   (I still can’t believe that game didn’t go over)

Do you know any girls that make you tingly just by looking at them? Send them our way and let us smokeshow them at randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

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NEW BEDFORD, Mass. -- A Massachusetts man has been fined $500 after pleading guilty to assaulting a Chuck E. Cheese mascot.  Authorities say 34-year-old Trahan Pires of Fairhaven ripped off the mascot's head piece, then pointed a finger and yelled at the man wearing the mouse costume because he thought he had pinned his 11-year-old son against a video game.  Pires and his family were at the children's restaurant in Dartmouth in May for the boy's birthday. Jessie Carvalho, the man in the mouse suit, told police he put his arms out to get through a crowd of children trying to knock him over and never grabbed anyone. A witness agreed with the 19-year-old Carvalho's account.  A judge fined Pires on Monday after rejecting the prosecution's request for a six-month jail sentence.

Wait a minute?    So Chuck E. Cheese admits to pushing his way through a crowd of children?   What’s that all about?  Dude you’re not the Jonas Brothers.  I mean isn’t this why you were there in the first place? To socialize with the kids?   See this is what happens when you send in a 19 year old to do a man’s job.   This kid was barely older than the kids that swarmed him.  He didn’t know how to handle it.   So if anybody is guilty here it’s the Chuck E. Cheese manager for hiring such a shitty mascot in the first place.    Seriously where is Lucky when you need him?

As the dust starts to settle on the "Matt Cassel + Mike Vrabel = 34" trade, the reactions have been many and varied. And in every instance, the opinions are a referendum on Bill Belichick. What you think about the trade is pretty much a reflection of what you think about The Hooded One. This trade is like that mirror from the first Harry Potter; you look at it and see what you want to see. The Big Show loves it, not a surprise since Belichick is a regular guest. Dennis & Callahan are ripping it, saying the Patriots panicked. Again, not a surprise since Belichick is never on their show. Ron Borges calls it further proof he's the coach is history's most evil despot. Jay Marriotti calls it collusion and says the NFL should investigate the Pats for... altogether now... cheating. Don Banks thinks it proves Belichick is a tender-hearted softee. A certain local blogger with a bromance for Belichick, whose name is on my driver's license, said it's all part of a mad, ingenious master plan.

But I think it's starting to become clear that the truth is where it almost always is: in the middle. Or more accurately, the simplest explanation is probably the truth. And in this case the simplest solution is that the Patriots intended all along to ship Cassel to the highest bidder. They shopped him around for a month and this was the best deal they came up with. Period. Enter Peter King , who is saying the Pats got all they could:

I had two contenders for Cassel tell me essentially the same thing: They wouldn't deal a first-round pick or a second- and something else for Cassel, and then pay him a multi-year contract with a bonus of maybe $20 million and $35 million in guaranteed money. Too risky, they thought. (I disagree but I'm not running a franchise.) Many teams felt Cassel might be a lesser player than he was in 2008... So Belichick knew he probably wasn't going to get a sweetheart deal....I'm told he never got offered a first-round pick by any team in trade. I'm also told he asked Pioli for the 34th pick in the draft -- nothing more -- and when Pioli told him he'd do it, they had a deal.

And the lack of any other GM coming forward on the record and saying "Hold your wad everybody! We offered the Patriots blah blah blah for Cassel and Vrabel which is way more than Pioli gave them!" pretty much bears that out. And shame on them for not offering more. It speaks volumes that the two guys who know Cassel most, Pioli and McDaniels, were the ones most anxious to get him. I admit I thought they'd get way more for them. Not based on what I thought Cassel was worth, but because I looked at the NFL housing market, saw what other homes in the neighborhood were going for, and priced ours accordingly. The fact that the market was down and the best we could get was a high 2nd rounder doesn't make it a good deal or a bad deal. It was the best deal available. As a wise man said 100,000 times, the trade is what the trade is.

PS. This has nothing to do with the trade, but the Dalai Lama is coming to Foxboro in May. While this could be good karma for the Pats, it will do nothing for the staff at CBS Scene or Red Robin. He's a lousy tipper. A big hitter the Lama, but you'll get nothing, you know, for the effort.

TSG - Angered that her local McDonald's was out of Chicken McNuggets, a Florida woman called 911 three times to report the fast food "emergency." Latreasa Goodman, 27, last Saturday called police to complain that a cashier--citing a McDonald's all sales are final policy--would not give her a refund. When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one." Goodman noted, "I called 911 because I couldn't get a refund, and I wanted my McNuggets," according to the below Fort Pierce Police Department report. That logic, however, did not keep cops from citing Goodman for misusing the 911 system. Even after being issued a misdemeanor citation, Goodman contended, "this is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency."

What kind of police department are they running in Fort Pierce? What does Latreasa Goodman have to do? Draw you a picture? She wants McNuggets, she orders McNuggets, she pays for McNuggetts, she ought to get her frickin' McNuggets. Why is she supposed to settle for something else? In Fort Pierce if you pay for a Cadillac and they deliver a grapefruit are you just supposed to take it? That's McDonald's "all sales are final" policy, not Latreasa Goodman's. If Latreasa wanted a McDouble she would have ordered a goddamned McDouble. As far as I'm concerned, what McD's did to her is no different than if they'd put a gun in her face and stole that $4.29 right out of her pocket. Damn right that's an emergency, and not a 912 emergency either. Latreasa Goodman is a McVictim.

CLICK HERE FOR THE 911 AUDIO (ALL 3 CALLS)

Nice job Liberace.  Way to go fuck everything up.   All you had to do was keep you dick in your pants and sing.  We were fucking home free.  But instead you had to go start making out with every dude who gave you googly eyes. Listen I have nothing against gay people.  You want to make out with dudes be my guest.  But do it on your own time. Not when you’re my American Idol Pick because then it involves me. Seriously nice job idiot.   Now we’re fucked.  I mean there is now way America is going to vote for some guy who sucks cock in public over Danny Gokey and his dead wife.  It just won’t happen.   I fucking knew I should have never trusted this guy.   

SalemNews - Mere months after the school's first winning football season in 15 years, Marblehead High will open its head coaching position. Doug Chernovetz, the Magicians' head coach the last four seasons, confirmed last night that principal John Ziergiebel has decided to open the gridiron coaching job to new applicants. "I can't say it's a shock, because nothing is a shock anymore, but it is certainly disappointing and befuddling," Chernovetz, who has gone 16-33 in four seasons, said. "I was told that there are concerns about my intensity and trying to moderate my enthusiasm." "There'd been rumors going around school, but we didn't really hear anything concrete until (Monday). I'm pretty surprised after all the success we had last season," said Sam Perlow, an MHS football captain last season who will play for Amherst College in the fall. In 2008, the Magicians finished 6-5 — their first wining season since 1992. Marblehead had a shot at the Northeastern Conference Small title in its 100th Thanksgiving Day meeting with rival Swampscott, but fell 21-13.Chernovetz was most disappointed that he could lose his job after a season in which he felt the program had turned a corner. "To set the table and possibly have someone else come in and eat my meal — that's not something that sits well with me," he said. "I was told that this is not a question of my integrity, which I truly appreciate," Chernovetz said of his job being opened up. "The reason I was given was my intensity."I can't apologize for being intense and getting kids to play tough. The alternative is you continue to lose football games, and 15 years becomes even longer." Chernovetz earned NEC South Coach of the Year honors last season as well as a High School Coach of the Week honor from the New England Patriots. He says he'd like to continue coaching at Marblehead for the foreseeable future. "I'm waiting for the process to start," Chernovetz said. "I want to coach these kids. They're fantastic young men who have stood by me. They're the reason I want to go back. We started something — and we want to finish it."

BAHAHAHA!  Fucking Marblehead!   You got to love it!    The Magicians finally get their first winning season in 15 years and how do they repay the reigning 2008 NEC Coach of the Year?   By putting his job up for grabs because he was “too intense and enthusiastic” and his team was too tough.    BAHAHAHAH!   I mean you couldn’t make this shit up if you tried!   Seriously enough already.  Just fucking cancel the football program.  We get it.  Marblehead is filled with pussies.    Now let Swampscott move on and find a real Thanksgiving Day opponent who won’t fire their coach for being too tough so we can have a real rivalry again.  Because this shit sucks.    Nobody wants to pick on somebody who won’t fight back.  Somewhere in a dark alley John Chew weeps….

LACEY, Wash. - Some members of Elma's winter dance team were watching from the bleachers when they noticed a strange man watching them... [H]e reportedly tucked one camera backwards under his arm and shot up under the dancers' skirts. The girls told their fathers... The photographer claimed he was a sports photographer from a university, and he tried to leave. But the fathers followed him out into the parking lot. “’How about this, you show us the pictures on the camera and when what you're saying is true, there's nothing weird, you can go and we'll apologize and it's no big deal,’” said dad Josh Nelson. “He's like, ‘No, I can't show you my pictures.’” They say then, in a last ditch effort to escape, the suspect surprisingly confessed. “He took the camera off his neck, held his hands up in the air and said ‘I admit it. I’m a pervert and I came here to take pictures of your daughters,’” said Johanson. “He said, ‘Can you let go of me?’ I said no, I'm not going to let you go,’” said Nelson. “He said, ‘Can't I have some dignity?’... "

Click here for the video of the newsreport.

It's said that the true lesson of Watergate or of the Clinton/Lewinsky affair is that oftentimes the cover up is worse than the crime. That if you're caught doing something wrong it's best to just admit it, take responsibility, apologize and move on. Somehow though, I don't think this is one of those cases. As much as I'd like to give the shutterbug credit for admitting he was wrong... and it really does take a big man to say "I'm a pervert"... I'm afraid his Mea Culpa rings a little hollow. It smacks of Mark McGwire saying "I'm not here to talk about the past, I'm just focusing on the future" coming as it did after he got caught red-handed. Especially that bit about dignity. As a general rule, once you've been cornered by a mob of blood thirsty fathers bent on revenge and you've admitted that you were taking upskirts of their little girls, the ship has sailed on your dignity. If you want dignity at that point, bite down on a cyanide capsule and hope it kills you before they indignantly choke you with your intestines.

Click Here for the Answer

I was sort of on the fence with this video right up until the part where they said "I Kissed A Boy And I Liked It...All Except for Brian Zoubek" After that I was sold! I also loved the part where Krzyzewski passed out on the court. Per usual fainting is comedy gold...

- Thanks to John Kreese for the tip

Yesterday we brought you the story of Steven A. Russo, the 36 year old father of a high school kid who hosted a party at his house for his son's friends where he shared with the crowd "tales about his sexual exploits," fed the girls booze, got them to dance on a stripper pole in their cheerleader uniforms and had a picture taken with him being kissed by two underaged girls. Well if that story wasn't bad enough, more details have come out... including the fact that Steve once was posed shirtless as a "Hot Bartender of the Week" on some Bizarro World web site where they prefer creepy high school dad's over Barstool's 25 Sexiest issue. But it doesn't stop there. More of the story is coming out and it's hit the "turbo" right trigger Button on Steve Russo's Ick Factor:

• The girls said Russo did not try anything with them, but encouraged one 16-year-old as she removed her shirt during the Dec. 12 party.
• The 14-year-old also told police after Russo’s 4-year-old son — asleep upstairs during the party — wet his bed, she and another girl changed the sheets.
• One teen mentioned Russo's house has a room called "the cave" on the second floor where people have sex. One boy claimed he was there that night because another teen planned to have sex and he was "hooking up," with one of the other girls. The boy said they left after his friend was finished.
• A 14-year-old girl said she drank Red Bull and vodka at the party and Russo's son became sick from excessive consumption. She later sneaked out of the house with a friend because "the rule is that if you drink alcohol there you have to sleep over because (Russo) doesn't want to get in trouble ..."

Somehow, this is exactly how I pictured Steve Russo. If 24 hours ago I'd hired a police sketch artist to draw what I think he looked like, it would've come out exactly like that mug shot photo of him. Except for the writing on his shirt, which if you look close is the text of his Sex Offender Registry paperwork. It's even money right now that in the next couple of years, Russo will walk into a kitchen an be greeted by Chris Hanson.

I guess this happened a couple weeks ago? I hadn't seen it yet. Pretty crazy. Imagine is Ovechkin got clotheslined by the door? That would have gone down as one of the weirdest injuries of all time right next to Vince Coleman getting run over by the tarp and Wade Boggs getting hurt putting on Cowboy boots.

- Thanks to Loge 19 for tip

LINCOLN, Neb. -- A kitten is recovering after allegedly being stuffed in a bong while its owner smoked marijuana at the same time.  Lincoln investigators said that 20-year-old Acea Schomaker is accused of animal cruelty for the act. The kitten -- 6-month-old Shadow -- is being treated at a Lincoln animal shelter. Deputies said they witnessed the animal being trapped inside the homemade bong as it was being smoked.  The bong is made of Plexiglas and is about the size of shoebox. “[It was] taped shut so the cat was exposed to large amounts of marijuana smoke,” Jarrett said.  Shoemaker allegedly told deputies the kitten was high strung and needed to be put in the bong to keep it calm.  “The cat appeared to be very lethargic, somewhat in a sleeping state,” Jarrett said.  Capital Humane Society officials said they have taken X-rays and done other tests to see if the kitten has any long-term affects from the alleged abuse. Schomaker was cited for misdemeanor animal cruelty.

Hey I didn’t hear this cat complaining did you?   In fact I bet lots of cats would give their left paw to smoke a little dope with their owner.  Frankly this sounded exactly what this little guy needed to chill out.   Now I know people are going to say; Pres how can you say that?   Aren’t you the same guy who freaked out when that dude from Blanchards stomped on the dog and generally freak out about anything animal related?   Well the answer is yes with one simple exception.   I hate cats.   I just feel like they’re always working against you.   So if you want to smoke em in a bong then more power to you.   But when you lay a finger on a dog that’s when the Stool police get involved….

More with the "Private Practice" star here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com