Random Thoughts

Introducing Laura from S-W-A-M-P-S-C-O-T-T….Ra,ra ra.    Now this girl should be a Pat’s cheerleader.   Clearly she’s hot.  Clearly she loves the Pats and finally she’s from the best little football town in MA.   What else can you ask for in a chick?

Do you know any smokeshows?   Send them to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com and help warm us up on this gross ass day.

Click for more of Laura

Michael Vick's babymama has set up a website called isupport7 to celebrate all the wonder, majesty and goodness of the soon-to-be-ex-con:

Many of you know Michael Vick as being one of the most prolific athletes of our time. He has dazzled millions with his play making ability, speed, agility, and commitment to his team and the game of football as a whole. Mike is a loving father who is deeply committed to the happiness and well-being of his family and children. He is not the animal hating monster that the media tried to portray him as throughout his trial and harsh imprisonment. This site was created in his honor as a tribute to Micheal Vick the man, the son, the brother, the father, the over-achiever, the philanthropist, and the American.

Well I'm glad we cleared that up. Michael Vick doesn't hate animals. He electrocuted them, shot them, beat them, and kidnapped them out of people's yards to use as practice for his fighting dogs out of his deep commitment to the happiness and well-being of his family and children. He's not a monster, he's like the hunters in that Monty Python sketch who say "I love animas. That why I like to kill them." Pardon me for my confusion. I thought the fact that the feds had tons of evidence on him, dozens of his friends and family lined up to testify against him, and the fact that he admitted under oath that he did all the things he got indicted on as proof that he did them. My bad. I stand corrected.

For the record, I might be one of the only people in America who think this, but I believe Vick serving almost 2 years was justice. The judge got it right. I mean, this wasn't a car accident for crissakes and it's not like he was using these dogs to advance human medicine or something. This was wanton, reckless, pointless cruelty. But a longer jail sentence would've just been punitive. Still, when he comes back in the NFL don't expect me or any other fan with a brain in their head to buy that he's all of a sudden become St. Thomas Aquinas in jail.

TMZ -  Sarah Welch -- a model and former contestant on "The Bachelor" -- is suing several companies involved with the fashion show she worked at the Mondrian Hotel in West Hollywood on October 18, 2007. We found the lawsuit -- filed in Santa Monica earlier this month. Welch claims she suffered "great injuries to her body, shock and injuries to her nervous system" after she fell through a hole in the runway which was created by the performer who went on before her.  Welch is suing for negligence and is seeking unspecified damages.

Wow this is a blast from the past huh? Who would have ever thought one of the chicks from our Model Mishap Showdown would end up suing over her fall?    Listen I don’t care how hot a bitch is.  If she doesn’t have a sense of humor then I don’t want anything to do with her besides maybe a quick hate fuck.   There is nothing worse in life than wasted talent.  And that’s exactly what hot chicks who take themselves too seriously are.  Just a total waste of talent.     And why is she suing the hotel anyway?   If anybody deserves to get sued it’s the dude who went before her for showboating.  Seriously how about a little “heads up” that you just put a hole in the floor while hotdogging it before scurrying off stage.   It’s just common courtesy really.      

PS - I still love the screams of terror in the crowd when this bitch falls into the hole. Makes me laugh every time.

LOS ANGELES – Pay no attention to that eerie silence in the nation's most populous county this week; it will simply be the sound of 10 million people not cussing. At least that's the result McKay Hatch is hoping for once his campaign to clear the air is recognized by the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors. "Next year I want to try to get California to have a cuss-free week. And then, who knows, maybe worldwide," said the 10th grader, who believes if people treat each other with more civility they can better work together to solve bigger problems.

This is the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard in my life.   Hey pussy what if I like fucking cussing huh?    What if I don’t want to stop swearing?  You ever think of that you little motherfucker?   Listen sometimes you just need to throw down an f bomb to get your point across.   If you don’t like it too bad.  I mean what happens now when Kobe rapes a chick this week in LA?   She can’t even scream “No Means Fucking No!" or "Please Don’t Fucking Hurt Me!”   You just want her to be nice and civil as Kobe violates her ass?   Nice job kid.   All you did today was weaken a country.   

If I've said it once I've said it a million times. Nobody plays a dirtier brand of paraplegic hockey than the Canadians. It's disgusting. They've been playing this way for years. So it's good to see the Americans finally standing up to them. (no pun intended) I just wish The Hammer was on the American squad because he would have taught these damn Canadian paraplegics a thing or two about fighting. Because if you think The Hammer gives a rat's ass whether you can walk or not when he's whaling on your ass you're sadly mistaken. USA! USA! USA!

BETHLEHEM TWP- Police say a 36-year-old township man furnished Freedom High School students with alcohol and coaxed teenage girls clad in cheerleader outfits to dance on a "stripper" pole in the basement of his home. Steven A. Russo, of the 2400 block of 15th Street, allowed his now 17-year-old son, also a Freedom student, to invite at least eight other students, ranging in ages from 14 to 16, to his home Dec. 12, according to court papers. The teens allegedly listened to Russo spin tales about his sexual exploits and drank vodka, rum and beer he gave them. They also mingled in the basement while he played music and shouted, "Get on that pole," according to a criminal complaint filed by Bethlehem Township police at the office of District Judge Joseph Barner. Also according to court documents: Freedom High School teacher Carrie McAndrews approached police with photos from the alleged party Feb. 4 and cheerleading coach Alicia Zito told police she was shown photos by a member of the squad culled from the social networking site Facebook. The photos show teenage girls using the "stripper" pole while dancing and two girls kissing Russo on his face.

It's true what they say, "No good deed goes unpunished." Steven A. Russo understands that kids will be kids. That no matter what you do, they're going to drink vodka, rum and beer, dance on stripper poles, listen to 36 year old guys tell sex stories, kiss him and put the pictures on Facebook and nothing is going to stop them. So what's Russo do? He gives the kids a safe, secure environment to do these things in. That way everyone can have good clean fun and no one gets hurt. And for his trouble, the sanctimonous tight-asses of Bethlehem Township treat him like he's some kind of scumbag with a creepy fetish for teenage girls in cheerleader costumes. Like he was going to keep those pictures and beat off to them or something. That's the thanks he gets for trying to be a responsible parent. It's persecution, that's what it is.

Reader Email

Hi-

I just saw your video of Hot Girl Hot Dog. I would suggest that you take this video down, those girls are wives of players and it is against the NHL/AHL rules and regulations to have any family members broadcasted. A major fine will be sent your way if this is not taken care of. A complaint has been sent to the San Jose Sharks and the New Jersey Devils General Managers and Owners. You have 24 hours to delete the posting from youtube and barstool sports, or you will be fined by the National Hockey Leauge and also from the Devils and Sharks. Very disappointing. please feel free to contact me.

JLITT122

Is this you Gary Bettman?   Seriously this may be the worst anonymous youtube threat I’ve ever gotten in my life.  I mean you didn’t just say that the NHL is going to fine me if I don’t remove this video did you?  Come on dude!   What is this amateur hour or something?     At least use spell check when threatening me.  I think I've earned that much right?   Honestly this is insulting and degrading to my whole operation here. 

PS – The Worcester Sharks marketing department (yeah they have one) already called me and asked me to take the video down.   They were very nice about it so I said I would after a day or two, but of course this email from you changes everything.  Oh well.  Way to throw gasoline on a fire that wasn’t even burning in the first place.     Nice work.

WTMJ - A man in Waukesha County is facing a misdemeanor charge for negligent handling of burning materials.  Pewaukee Police say Steven Flaugher realized that some plastic had caught fire on his stove, but didn't try to put it out or call for help.  Police say he was busy... watching porn.Eventually neighbors noticed the fire and pulled the fire alarm.  Damage from the fire was minor. Police say he'd been drinking.

Listen Alan Dershowitz himself couldn’t prove that this guy was guilty of being negligent here.  I mean my hair could be on fire and I wouldn’t notice it if I was in the victory formation, never mind noticing some bullshit flames near the stove.   I believe it’s what athletes refer to as being in the zone.   So there is just no way any jury would convict this guy unless it’s made up of all chicks.   Or do chicks beat off too?  I always kind of thought that was just an urban legend but it doesn’t even matter.   Bottom-line is that you can’t be held accountable for what happens in the environment around you when you’re beating off.  Not now.  Not ever.

Click Here For the Answer

(Warning Some NSFW when you scroll down but I had to include them.)

(Needham Principal Paul Richards has had enough!)

NEEDHAM, Mass. -- A local high school is considering giving students breathalyzers before they can enter school sporting events. Needham High School fans were on their best behavior at Friday night's women's basketball game after their principal announced a new policy Friday for all sporting events. The athletic director at Needham High told 7News that the assistant principals or the principal will carry the breathalyzer and if they feel a student is intoxicated, they will privately screen them. Students have mixed feelings. "It's kind of like paranoid they don't trust us at all so they think we're all drinking it's just kind of stupid," Stephen Farlow said."I guess it's a reasonable precaution just because our towns reputation for kind of behavior but I don't think it needs to be done regularly," said freshman Cynthia Highers. This is another step in attempting to control the sometimes rowdy crowds. In January, after a string of bad behavior, the entire student body was punished for poor sportsmanship by being banned from a hockey game against Dedham.

Ok on the surface I don’t have a problem with this.   I mean High School students shouldn’t be allowed to be drunk at high school sporting events.   So if you want to hit kids with a quick breathalyzer before they can get in that’s fine by me.   But here is my issue.   This is the same Needham principle who last month banned students from going to a hockey game because of “mean spirited” chants like 'Wellesley . . . Wellesley . . . you suck and, 'Put your clipboards away,' to MIAA reps who were there to observe our fan behavior."   So now my perspective on this breathalyzer thing has changed.    Instead of it looking like a rationale and necessary decision this just looks like just another step in this lunatic’s attempt to turn students into emotionless drones.  I mean what’s next?  Students need to wear straight jackets to games and be gagged? Listen jut because Principle Richards was a total loser in high school and got stuffed in lockers for a living doesn’t give him the right take out his insecurities on his students.  I mean I think it’s pretty obvious this guy has some serious and deep seeded psychological issues.   If anything he belongs in therapy not molding the lives of young men and women.

ESPN's AFC East blog - Circumstances surrounding the Matt Cassel trade keep getting curiouser and curiouser. The more we learn, the more inexplicable it gets... ESPN's Chris Mortensen has since reported there was a much better offer on the table, that the Patriots passed on the 12th overall pick in a three-way trade that would've sent Denver Broncos quarterback Jay Cutler to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Mort and I have exchanged a few e-mails on the subject. Here is how he broke down the proposed three-way deal:

This one defies logic, but a source I really trust tells me it's true: The Broncos were willing to offer their own first-round pick (12th overall) to the Patriots for Cassel... But Belichick never embraced a trade with the Broncos, even though it was a head-scratcher on the value part (second-rounder versus a first-rounder). It suggests two or three speculative thoughts:

1. Belichick has always valued second-round picks (he now has three) and didn't want to be stuck at No. 12 financially for whatever reason;
2. Belichick had an agreement with Pioli all along and wouldn't break his word;
3. Belichick isn't about to help another former assistant.

OK, now things are making more sense. Except for the part about Belichick not wanting to help a former assistant, which is a patently absurd claim by Mortensen. Pioli was a former assistant, McDaniels is former assistant. Belichick has a track record of doing anything to help out one of his former apprentices whether it's Romeo, Weis, Nick Saban, whomever. Eric Mangini is the lone exception because he's a two-faced, back-stabbing rat bastard and everyone knows it. Don't they teach these guys anything in Into to Belichick at Bristol?

But the part about The Hooded One being more interested in the 34th pick than the 12th? Implausible as it sounds, I can see it being part of his mad genius. After all, this is the man who got two franchise (literally) QBs with the 199th pick and the 230th pick, respectively. He's probably already got his draft pick targeted and knows he can get him in the 2nd round, so why spend top 12 cap money when you've got that kind of clairvoyance? And for Mortensen's second point? When you're a man of integrity and a loyal friend, sometimes you've got do the Right Thing, even if it means costing you in the short term. It's a "One step back, two steps forward" thing that only Men of Their Word can understand. And we're a dying breed I assure you. Anyway, I'm taking comfort in knowing that Cassel really did have 1st round value just like I thought, and that Belichick only settled for the 34th pick because he's not about to break a promise to a colleague. He'll win more Super Bowls, but he'll do it his way: with honor and integrity. Really, I'm touched. I'm having one of those "Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer" moments and I'm glad to believe in him again.

March 1st 2008

March 1st 2009

I guess it's true. Digger Phelps really does love March Madness. Because for the 2nd consecutive year Digger broke out the dance moves to commemorate college basketballs greatest month. Unfortunately for Digger the Cal cheerleaders don't seem to be nearly as into him as the Kansas chick was 12 month ago. Regardless I'm forced to ask the same question I asked last year. Does Digger Phelps pull college ass? I bet he does every once in awhile. You just don't put in this type of effort unless it's worked a few times. Plus chicks love hooking up with famous dudes. So I bet there are a couple sluts out there who blew him just to brag about it to their friends. Kind of like what's happening with me lately.

Shelley Lawlor, 41, of Medway was among the hundreds trying out.

Do people remember how a couple days ago I was bitching and moaning about the fact that the chick on the cover of the Pats Cheerleading Calendar was a Giants fan?   I think I said something to the effect that I’d rather have ugly local cheerleaders who root for the Pats as opposed to hot ones who don’t.   Well after seeing "The Pride of Medway" try out for this year’s squad I think you can strike that from the record.    Don’t get me wrong I appreciate Shelley's effort, but it has made me reevaluate my position.   Now excuse me while I go try and talk my dick off the ledge.   I swear it would have jumped already if it weren't for good old Swampscott getting things moving back in the right direction. Leave it to the Big Blue to put everybody on our backs yet again.

Sunday Herald - Scott Pioli soon may learn there is no such thing as friends in the NFL, especially when they used to employ you as their gofer. Pioli yesterday closed out what he believes was a blockbuster deal with the Patriots... And perhaps he did. But if the many in these parts who believe Bill Belichick is Einstein in a hoodie are correct, what Pioli may have gotten instead is Scott Mitchell the sequel and an expensive linebacker on the wrong end of the football timeline. For the Patriots, this was a best-case scenario... But from what we know today it looks like Belichick didn’t do his old friend any favors, which is no surprise because he’s not in the business of doing favors. He’s in the football business. “Bill Belichick wouldn’t do his mother a favor,” one NFL insider scoffed yesterday. “Anybody who looks at this deal and thinks he did doesn’t know him. Or the guys he just traded.”

I want to be mad at Ron Borges for this, but I can't. The plagarizing little troll has done me a favor here. I mean, we all knew no matter what deal Belichick pulled off for Cassel and Vrabel that Ol' Ctrl+C Ron would be skewering him for it. That he'd immediately get his chorizo-greased fingers busy speed dialing Bill Polian... uh, make that "one NFL insider"... for nasty quotes about how this proves Belichick is overrated and if you say he's a good coach that automatically makes you an asshat who thinks he's "Einstein in a hoodie" and you're wrong because in reality he's a fraud who can't run a team and gets his kicks telling toddlers there's no Santa Claus. Because really, Borges has no other club in his bag. This is all he's capable of unless he's Copy & Pasting a real football writers work.

Still, I'm grateful. I assumed Borges and the other haters would be lobbing mortars at Belichick for not getting enough for those guys. For sure, that was my reaction. After all, this is a league where Atlanta got two 2nd round picks for Matt Schaub, Jared Allen got a 1 and two 3s, and even a commincable disease like Roy Williams nets a 1, a 3, a 5 and a 7. But when bitter, soulless wretches of the world can only harp on him for taking advantage of Pioli, they've done a public service for Pats fans world wide. Oh and by the way, that "former gofer" Borges feels so sorry for, is a two-time NFL Executive of the Year. So it's safe to assume he knows what he's doing.

PS. For the people who continue to perpetuate this image of Belichick the evil, heartless despot whom his players despise for the heartless way he treats them, this was Jabar Gaffney's reaction to being let go: "I loved New England and being a Patriot. The fans up there are great and it's just a great place to be. I'll always have love for New England but the unfortunate part of the NFL is that it's a business and I had to go; it was too good of an opportunity for me and my family to pass up. But I will always love the Patriots organization and fans for taking me in and treating me like family. Maybe one day something will work out where I can be a Patriot again."

For once, I'd like to hear what "one NFL insider" has to say about that.

Here's the Apple Twins...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com