Random Thoughts

The website Don Chavez unearthed these pictures from the Kraft private suite at Fenway with chicks getting slutty and putting superbowl rings in their tits.   Great job by him.  Horrible job by the Stoolies.   The fact that we didn’t get these pictures first will bother me for the rest of the month.   Anyway so this is what it’s like to be part of the Kraft family huh?  My dad fucking sucks.    Why couldn’t my family own a private suite at Fenway so I could seduce chicks and shove my superbowl ring into their cleavage?   I mean it usually takes me 3 months before I can get a girl to take her pants off.  It took David Kraft 9 innings.  Sometimes life just ain’t fair.  

PS - I’m like 82% sure the chick with the ring shoved in her tits was on the cover of the Stool way back when.    (2nd girl on the right?)

Introducing Anna from Bentley.  Somewhere Bobby Defelice and Brian Hayes are smiling.   I’ll also say this about Anna.   She has just about the hottest group of friends I’ve encountered yet while stalking chicks for Smokeshow of the Day.   I’m not sure if they all go to Bentley or not, but if they do I’ve drastically and I mean drastically underestimate the quality of girls that go there.  

Time to stop being selfish. Cough up any smokeshow info that you know.  Send nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click here for more pics of Anna

Tampa, Florida – Prejudice against pretty? That's the claim from a pair of 18-year-old best friends from Oldsmar who were escorted off a Southwest Airlines plane. USF student Nisreen Swedberg and friend Sarah Williams claim the flight crew was rude to them from the moment they stepped onto the plane at Tampa International Airport on February 14. Swedberg said she asked a flight attendant for a bottle of water and was told she could wait until the rest of the flight was served. “And I patiently waited and then when they came around with water, they skipped me,” Swedberg said. At one point, Williams had to use the plane's bathroom. She saw another passenger in it, and when he hadn't come out 15 minutes later, she knocked on the door. When he came out, Williams says the man came over to her seat and yelled a profanity at her. Williams admits she yelled a profanity back at him but was puzzled when she says the flight crew only questioned her. “I think they were just discriminating against because we were young decent-looking girls. I mean, nobody else on the plane looked like us except us,” she said. “[The flight attendants] were like older ladies. We were younger. Who knows, they could have been just jealous of us because we were younger.” When the plane landed in Los Angeles, the women were escorted off by four uniformed police officers and later questioned by the FBI.

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I don’t know what Nisreen Swedberg’s game is, but she can cut the shit with this she got discriminated against because she is too hot routine.  Please.   This is like a fat chick at a club thinking you’re trying to grab her ass when you bump into her by accident.   I mean what planet is Nisreen living on?  She is a fucking 4 at best!   And by the way Nisreen, don’t think you’re fooling me either by tucking all your fat into that chest belt.   I eat that shit for breakfast.  This is ugly chick 101 right here.   They somehow think that because their friends are smokeshows, they become smokeshows.  Like it rubs off on them or something and they can act like a Diva.  Yeah Nisreen probably gets some sloppy dick from time to time from dudes who were willing to bite the bullet so their buddy can nail the hot chick, but charity hookups doesn’t give you the right to act like a bitch.   Do me a favor and hit the gym and come back to me in a year and we’ll get you your bottled water.   Figures she was dropping a deuce on the plane too.   Fucking animal.

PS – Why doesn’t Southwest just come out and say what everybody is thinking.    How could we discriminate against this chick for being pretty when she’s gross?   Case closed.

Up until yesterday, the above picture had been on our website for the past two weeks for some company selling t-shirts. Lots of people have commented on how hot these chicks were especially the one on the left. Well it has come to my attention that the blond chick is possibly Melissa Midwest. Who is Melissa Midwest you ask? She's the world famous stripper/porn star from Lincoln Nebraska. Below are some pics of her from her website. There are a ton more which are obviously NSFW. Anyway you be the judge. Is the chick on the left Melissa Midwest? I think it is. And if so I think that would make the chick on the right "Sweet Adri." Who says the Stool doesn't do hard hitting investigative reporting? This blog may win me an ESPY.

PS - Melissa Midwest has apparently been to Boston already. In fact, you can buy a CD of her exploits in Beantown for 19.99. Deal of the century if you ask me. But the thing that really sucks is that Melissa Midwest does parties for like 400 bucks an hour in Lincoln Nebraska. Too bad she doesn't live around here because we'd hire her ass (literally) for every event we ever did for the rest of modern civilization. We definitely need a Melissa Northeast STAT.

A special-education aide at Highlands Senior High School resigned under pressure yesterday and faces possible drug and corruption of minors charges for a hotel party involving high school teenagers. New Kensington police said they found suspected crack cocaine, empty beer cans and used condoms in a room that Abbiejane Swogger, 34, of Harrison, shared with minors Thursday night at New Kensington's Clarion Hotel. The room contained drug paraphernalia and a marijuana odor when officers arrived just before noon on Friday to follow up on reports of missing teens.

Ms. Swogger was in the hotel lobby when police... arrived.... Two female juveniles from Harrison and Tarentum whose relatives had contacted police after they failed to come home Thursday night were in the room, along with three males. The one-time exotic dancer... says she rented a hotel room to socialize and drink beer with adult acquaintances, but teenage friends of her son showed up and refused to leave. Ms. Swogger also said she did not have sex with any of the young people present. They may have had sex with one another, she said, but did so "discreetly."

Even by the standards of this type of story, Abbiejane Swogger has set a horrible example for our young people. Call me old fashioned, but I think an educator's primary responsibility should be to inspire young people. But what does she do? She quits her job. What kind of example does that set for these youngsters? That the first time you run into an obstacle in this life, you turn tail and run? What if the girls gave up when their parents told them they couldn't have a gangbang in a hotel room? What if the boys quit the the first time one of the girls said "no." There would've been no discreet sex in that room that night. Good for the kids they've got more stick-to-it-iveness than Abbiejane and I think we can all learn a lot from their spirit.

Looks: Not a superstar, but hot in a sort of slutty, alt-rocker kind of way. Grade: B-.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: Abbiejane's alibi is that the teens weren't having sex, it was the several adults she was with before the kids showed up. Grade: A.
Intangibles: "Abbiejane Swogger" and "Former exotic dancer" add a lot to the story. But not admitting to actually pulling a train with the students costs her big time. On the otherhand, she did refer to the kids as "underagers" and adding a term to the lexicon of pedophile teachers goes a long way. Grade: B.
Overall: B. What part of "Sex Scandal Teacher" don't you understand?

The Celtics bitch-slapped the Clippers last night, putting an end to their rather disappointing West coast road trip. I know there was just one game difference between the end result (2-3) and my prediction (3-2) but a victory over Phoenix or Denver would have left me feeling better. Minus a killer four game stretch in mid-March (at SA, at Houston, at Dallas, at NO) the Celtics schedule (27 games) is rather easy the rest of the way. I can see them finishing 22-5 and reaching the 65 win mark. Meanwhile Sam Cassell is finally on the verge of a buyout. Reports have the C’s competing with Denver and Dallas for his services. I’d be stunned if he goes anywhere but Boston.

I want to address the Lakers. Marc Stein of ESPN is the latest to promote Kobe and Co. kings of the NBA. But if I could hand pick the Celtics opponents in the finals, it would be LA. They are frauds. Nevermind the fact that we’ve already throttled them twice. (I know they didn’t have Pau Gasol then, but Andrew Bynum was playing.) And do you think Gasol will be effective against KG? He’s as soft as they come. Not to mention Kobe’s finger is hanging by a thread. I say, bring on LA.

Chuck - Red's Army

So the First Lady and I had another crazy Saturday night this past weekend as we threw caution to the wind and went to dinner at Baja Fresh.  (Pretty good by the way)  Anyway while we trying to enjoy our dinner some 16 or 17 year old kid comes waltzing in with a Pats hat on.  No big deal right?  Wrong!   Because on the back of the hat it said 16-0.  I nearly puked up my grilled chicken burrito right on the spot.  I was beyond mortified.   Granted not as mortified as the First Lady when I started sneaking around the restaurant trying to get a picture of the kid, but I was still pretty shocked.   I mean what are you thinking when you wear a 16-0 hat?   Nobody can be that stupid can they?   The only possible explanation is that this kid was trying to be a punk and was revolting against society.  I mean how else can anybody justify wearing anything that says 16 – 0 especially in a place where people are eating?   It’s unacceptable!   And frankly it has raised some serious questions about the future of our country.  I mean if some teenage kid is going to wear a 16-0 hat to Baja Fresh what’s next?    Kids wearing “Go Osama Bin Laden” t-shirts and shit like that?    Sad day for America.  Sad day indeed.

As a total side note Baja Fresh has fountain drinks.   Basically the kind where they give you the cup and you fill it up yourself.   So I ordered a large only to find out after it’s free refills.  The First Lady thinks I’m an idiot for not realizing this beforehand, but the bottom line it that this makes no sense to me.  Why charge for different cup sizes if everybody can get as much as they want.  I kind of thought it was on the honor system that you only fill up once.   Anyway when it was all said and done, I felt like I got taken for a ride.   I should have just ordered the small and kept on refilling it.    Granted it’s only like 30 cents or something but I could tell all the small drinkers had this air of superiority about them.  Like they knew they were smarter than me.  Mark my words; I won’t ever put myself in that position again.    Nobody makes a fool out of me twice.  It’s small drinks from now on at Baja Fresh.

DES MOINES, Iowa —  A judge has denied an Iowa man's claim that he shouldn't have been fired for repeatedly requesting help to procure a prostitute. Neil Jorgensen, 62, of Kalona, worked at Riverside Casino and Golf Resort in Riverside and was given a gift certificate and free night's stay at the casino hotel to mark a year's employment. After eating and drinking at a casino restaurant, he returned to his hotel room about midnight and later called hotel managers about hiring a prostitute. When managers refused to help him, he made a call to the adjacent resort and made the same request. "The advertisement is that it's just like Las Vegas, so I thought I was in Las Vegas," Jorgensen testified at a hearing regarding his request for unemployment benefits. Hotel workers were sent to Jorgensen's room to ask him to stop demanding prostitutes. When they arrived at his room, Jorgensen answered the door in the nude, human resources director Tim Donovan said. Jorgensen was fired the next day. At the hearing, Jorgensen said his actions didn't hurt the casino, and he said he'd received strong performance reviews. He also blamed the restaurant for serving him too much alcohol. "I was absolutely plowed," he said.

I’ve been doing Barstool a long time and this is without a shadow of a doubt the most outrageous story in the history of the Stool.    I haven’t been this upset about something since I saw The Hurricane.   I mean if anybody should get fired here it’s the Riverside Casino ad agency for false advertising   Listen don’t say you’re just like Las Vegas if you’re going to arrest a dude for soliciting a prostitute.    Because trust me when I say that’s nothing like Las Vegas.   In fact it sounds closer to Lincoln Park if you ask me.   I mean any gambling establishment can have a couple black jack tables and slot machines.  But it’s the sluts that separate the men from the boys.  

Click here to see who's crack this is and see bonus pictures of other Hollywood ass cracks, click here...

In the four years of doing Barstool Sports I feel like I’ve pretty much seen it all in terms of getting threatened by different people.   .  I’ve been sued by an angry mom from South Boston because her kid was in the background of a photo.    I had the Bentley Women’s Tennis coach threaten legal action if I didn’t remove pictures of one of his players immediately.   I’ve been contacted by the mother of a bunch of Cheerleaders from Texas when I commented on a story I saw on Fox News.   Basically you name it and I’ve been threatened with it.  But today we hit a new milestone.   We were all set to do a photo shoot this Wednesday with a former Smokeshow of the Day.   That was until I received this facebook message yesterday;

Smokeshow - I wanted to ask you- I talked to my parents last night and they are concerned that if I do this it is going to be a bad idea when I'm trying to find a job this semester. Have you ever had any problems like this? I really want to do it, though.

So I gave her a call to see what she was thinking.   Now keep in mind I could honestly care less whether this girl does the photo shoot.  Don’t get me wrong I think she’s super hot and would make a great cover, but we have a million girls who want to do it.  The last thing I want to do is pressure a girl into doing something she’s not comfortable with when there a ton of girls who are dying to do it.    But like I said this girl seemed really cool and really psyched about it.   Long story short she basically says her dad is nervous and she just got off the phone with him and she wants me to call him to reassure him that Barstool Sports is legit and  isn’t some fly by night operation blah, blah, blah.  So because I like this girl and she really wants to do the photo shoot I agree to give her dad a call.   Big Mistake!    Because it was arguably the most disrespectful 2 minute phone call I’ve ever had in my life.   Here is my best memory of how it went down.  But to be honest it happened so fast it was kind of a blur.

El Pres – Hi this is Dave Portnoy.  I run Barstool Sports and your daughter asked that I give you a call to get you more comfortable with Barstool and tell you more about us and answer any questions you may have because she wants to do a photo shoot with us.

Smokeshow Dad – My daughter will do this shoot over my dead body.  There is nothing to talk about.   I’m already talking to lawyers about how to sue you to get the other pictures you posted of her removed.

El Pres – huh?

Smokeshow Dad - We’re figuring out how to bring legal action against you as we speak.

El Pres – You mean for the smokeshow photos?

Smokeshow Dad – Yes. 

El Pres- I think it would be pretty hard since your daughter gave us permission right?

Smokeshow Dad – She was under the influence when she said yes.

El Pres – Huh? 

Smokeshow Dad – This conversation is over and if you ever talk to my daughter ever again you’ll be hearing from my attorney. CLICK

After he hung up on me I called the girl back who was waiting to hear how it went.  I told her that besides her dad threatening to sue me, forbidding me to ever talk to her again and hanging up on me it went pretty well.  Needless to say the dad and the daughter were on slightly different pages.  Bottom-line is I was set up like a Mothefucker.   Now there is a part of me that doesn’t totally want to bash the dad here.    After all, one day maybe I’ll be a dad and will freak out in a similar situation.   But at the same time if this guy was going to come at me like that he should probably have spent 10 minutes doing some research on Barstool Sports.   Because he would have found out real quickly that one of my absolute pet peeves is people threatening to sue me when I’m 100% in the right.  And in this case I’m 9,0000% in his right.  His daughter knew exactly what she was getting herself into and wanted to do it and still wants to do it.   Plus, she is 21 years old!   I think she can make decisions for herself.  Not to mention the fact that she wants to get a job in sales/finance in Boston.   Do you think being on the Cover of Barstool would help or hurt this girl get a job?  Cmon!   But that's really neither here nor there.   Bottom-line is that this dad should be thanking his lucky starts that I like his daughter and don’t want to embarrass her because I could make this into a fucking horror story for him.    Again I can understand a dad wanting to protect his daughter.  But at some point you just got to let your kids go.  You can’t run her life at 21.    If she wants to try modeling than that’s up to her.    But whatever you do don’t threaten a smut publisher because you can’t control your daughter.  Because that’s how you turn a non issue into a major clusterfuck.

PS  -   I totally deserve a big slice of blame pie for this incident as well.  I mean what the fuck am I doing calling girls dads?   That’s not in my job description.  I’m so fucking stupid.    From now on Rule #1 at the Stool is no calling Daddy. You’d think after four years I’d know better.   

Double PS - How awesome would it be if the chick still does the cover? I hope she does.

The first minute of this video may be the best minute in the history of the world besides maybe Round I of Hagler Hearns.    I mean that tranny was on fire! 

 “What it is, is what it is…  323.733.7433…  TM mother fucking Z.  Peace!” 

And then what about when she finds out the camera guy really is from TMZ? That was probably the happiest I’ve ever seen any man, woman or she male in my life.   I mean it was pure ecstasy.  No drug in the world can get you that high.   Only to have it come crashing down when her friend comes out of nowhere and grabs her weave.   Has anybody ever gone from such a high to such a low so quickly? I don't think so.

Much more Chyler here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com