Stool Samples

A wise man once asked how much Favre a Brett Favre could Favre if a Brett Favre could Favre Favre. There has never been a definitive answer to this unfulfilling prophecy and that's a shame because Brett Favre plays football.

Seriously, at this point, you really have to sit down and enjoy the unmitigated man love for Our Favre. It's hilarious. Seriously (not kidding). If you don't think it's hilarious, then you could be completely annoyed, frustrated and potentially a threat to you and others around you. Choosing sides is never easy, my friends, that's why I urge, nay, demand that you enjoy the comedy of Our Favre.

Dive in and let Fox Sports' Thom Brennaman and former Ravens head coach Brian Billick navigate you through a 10 day-and-night cruise of the Favre Sea -- located a scant 60 nautical miles off the Favre Strait on the majestic shores of Favrerica. I'm typing in bold to get you and your attention to pay attention and laugh at the funny side of the NFL.

Let's start with the purest, simplist truth known to man ...

"One thing that that can never be taken away from him, he loves to play football." - thom brennaman

"This is why Brett Favre came back. You can agree, not agree think he should have retired. You can't dispute the fact this guy loves the game. He belongs back in the game. My perspective is simple: make 'em run you out when you got passion like that for the game." - brian billick

"In our conversation with him yesterday, there is no denying he loves to play football." - thommy brennaman

F-F-F-FAVRE AND THE JETS

"In many ways in the media, by a lot of fans -- especially those in Green Bay -- treating Favre almost like a pin cushion. But the bottom line is, he wanted to play football. He wanted to find out was he healthy enough to play. After the surgery, he still had the desire. And now he's with Minnesota after signing with Minnesota on August the 18th." - thom b. at the 6:00 minute mark because, you know, you didn't already know Favre signed with the Vikings.

"That wasn't just Brett Favre - and everybody has said that. That team fell apart in the second half. I did Brett Favre's game against Arizona when he threw 6 touchdown passes. We were ready to slam dunk him in the Hall of Fame that day!" - b. billick

"(Mark) Sanchez off to a good start in his NFL debut. Of course, Brett Favre was in New York last year. After retiring decided to come for a second straight year out of retirement. Signed with Minnesota August 18th." - thommy b reliving the great moment of his life, on August 18th, 2009

"You know, you look at the whole Favre situation -- and I know a lot of people are sick and tired of hearing about it -- he was really stunned by the really one or two players of the New York Jets that made the comment about what kind of teammate he was ... you look back over a 19 year career, I can't think of five guys that have had anything bad to say about Brett Favre as a teammate. Now whether or not you like his decision to play for the Vikings if you're a Packers fan ... that's Brett Favre's decision whether or not he wants to play. He's certainly entitled to change his mind." - thom

THIS IS WHAT BRETT FAVRE DOES - SO LET BRETT FAVRE BE BRETT FAVRE

"Right here, 3rd and goal, this is what Brett Favre was brought in to do." - brian b

"That may have been one of those Brett Favre being Brett Favre." - billick brian

"If they get it out to the 40 yard line, let's turn Brett Favre loose." - billick

"If they're willing to throw it, then here we go, Brett Favre is off and running. You gotta let Brett Favre go." - billick

"This is what Brett Favre is here to do." - someone doesn't matter who it is

"This is Brett Favre and it's good to see Brett doing this." - the former coach who cut Priest Holmes in favor of Ericht Rhett

"This is what we're talking about. A different Brett Favre. He's got the idea of what it's going to take." - former coach who once earned the "Offensive Genius" label for scoring points with Randy Moss, Cris Carter, Jake Reed, Robert Smith and Randall Cunningham. you and i could have coached that team to 500 points too

FAVRELOVE MAKES THE MIND SPIN OUT OF CONTROL

"The last thing you want to do is give the ball back to the Minnesota Vikings and one of the all time great quarterbacks of all time Brett Favre. I'm sure this 3 and out was not exactly what Eric Mangini had in mind -- even if it's just the time you leave Brett Favre with to orchestrate a two minute drive." - billick, who thinks our favre is an all time great of all time and almost appears to be under the impression that if he was on the sidelines, he'd let our favre score a late half touchdown

"You've got Brett Favre! That's what you brought him in to do . You've got control of the game all but a 10-6 lead. We're going to find out right now, all but Brett Favre here now just one month into this offense, are they going to let Brett Favre be Brett Favre?" - billick

"You get everybody that's ever played with Brett Favre in a room at one time I bet you can't five people that say 'Hey I didn't love this guy as a teammate.'' - ENGORGED brian billick

"He's a hard guy not to like." - EVEN MORE ENGORGED thom brennaman

STARVIN FOR FAVRE-N-HARVIN

"Harvin told us last night he has learned more from Brett Favre in less than three and a half weeks then anybody he's ever played with before. He said the way (Favre) has gone out of his way to help this rookie is almost beyond belief." - tb

"That's the special-ness of the Percy Harvin that I know Brett Favre is thrilled to have on his team." - bb

"You gotta love Percy Harvin yesterday. He said he walks in and Brett Favre goes up and introduces himself and says 'Hi I'm Brett Favre' and Percy's going 'Yea, no kidding'." - b. billick

"Well he had wonderful things to say about Favre." - t. brennaman

"The first touchdown in the career of Percy Harvin and he will never forget it because it's thrown by the Hall of Famer, the future Hall of Famer, Brett Favre who (is) the first one to get down there and give him a big hug!" - brennaman wishing he could trade places with harvin so he too could hug our favre's torso

"Yea look at the smile on his face! Brett Favre knows what he has in Percy Harvin!" - billick while unknowingly urinating down his left leg

"I'm gonna darn near beat him into end zone to jump on top of him to show him how happy I am for him." billick transforming into our favre

Now how can you not enjoy all that?

I love it.

patrick imig is a proud american and happy football fan. email him at imig@drivebyonline.com.