Random Thoughts
1. THE HARTFORD, Vt. — A Vershire man has been accused of digging up his father’s remains and bringing them home with him because he missed his late father. Dominik A. Bailey Jr., 43, has been charged with felony removal of human remains after allegedly digging up the cremated man’s remains from a Vershire graveyard. The mother said she was going to check the grave site and later told police all she saw at the site was a hole in the ground. The aunt also told police Bailey has made several threats to shoot relatives. The aunt said Bailey left a message on her answering machine Friday saying that he was “going to get his father” and that the family “didn’t need to leave flowers there anymore,” according to court papers. The aunt also told police Bailey phoned her again later in the day and spoke with her, saying “he’s here with me now” and that his father’s remains were in his living room, along with the father’s headstone.
Say what you will about Domenik Bailey, but don’t call him disloyal. At a time when half the kids in America, and 100% of Travis Henry’s kids, are growing up without a father, it’s touching to see a man so attached to his dad. Hell, I consider myself a pretty good dad, and I can barely get my kids to pick up a snow shovel, never mind dig down through six feet of sod because they missed having me around. I mean, can you imagine how much effort it would take to haul a headstone out of the ground, bring it home and drag it into your living room? You know how much those things weigh? You only put out that kind of backbreaking labor if you were really, really close to your dad. Mr. Bailey must have been one hell of a guy. I’m sure Dominik and his urn full of ashes would’ve had a lot of great games of catch in the backyard before the cops came and took the poor kid away. But what’s with the rest of the Bailey family? How many times did he have to say “I’m digging dad up and bringing him home” before someone decided he meant it? This is a guy who walks the walk. If he says he’s going to shoot his relatives, I’d suggest they invest in kevlar, post haste.
2. NYTimes - Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz, the sluggers who propelled the Boston Red Sox to end an 86-year World Series championship drought and to capture another title three years later, were among the roughly 100 Major League Baseball players to test positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003, according to lawyers with knowledge of the results. Some of baseball’s most cherished storylines of the past decade have been tainted by performance-enhancing drugs, including the accomplishments of record-setting home run hitters and dominating pitchers. Now, players with Boston’s championship teams of 2004 and 2007 have also been linked to doping. The information about Ramirez and Ortiz emerged through interviews with multiple lawyers and others connected to the pending litigation. The lawyers spoke anonymously because the testing information is under seal by a court order. The lawyers did not identify which drugs were detected. Scott Boras, the agent for Ramirez, would not comment Thursday. Asked about the 2003 drug test on Thursday in Boston, Ortiz shrugged. “I’m not talking about that anymore,” he said. “I have no comment.”
Everybody is emailing me this story right now. Why? Is this really a big story? That Big Papi used steroids back in 2003? Are you serious? No shit he used steroids. And now it’s outlawed by baseball so unlike Manny he stopped and now he sucks. Who fucking cares? And just so people don’t think I’m being hypocritical, here is what I wrote back on May 8th when Manny got busted…
“I love how everybody is asking me what my reaction to the Manny thing is. Like I should be shocked or something. My answer is always the same. I fucking love it. It’s hilarious, but I’m not the least bit surprised. I mean obviously he used steroids. Everybody who put up huge mind blowing numbers during this era used steroids. Manny, Arod, Pujols, Papi, everybody. Yeah I said Papi. Obviously he used too. The guy’s freaking trainer was like a steroid kingpin. And people can spare me the whole it’s dangerous to assume guys used steroids who haven’t been proven guilty yet. No it’s not. Everybody fucking used with the exception of maybe Nomar who has too much respect for the game. But that’s neither here nor there. I don’t even care about baseball guys getting busted anymore.”
And for anybody who thinks this somehow tarnishes the Sox World Series victories I already covered that topic as well when Bill Simmons cried like a little girl about the Manny thing. And yes you can replace Manny with Big Papi here.
“Did Simmons really say he has a mental asterisk next to the 2004 World Series banner now? Honestly that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Now don’t get me wrong I expect Yankee fans and all the people who are jealous of Boston to say shit like that. I would too if I were them and hated a city that we couldn’t beat. That’s just what sports fans do. They look to tear down the king of the mountain with anything no matter how ridiculous it may be. Whether it be Rodney Harrison testing positive for HGH, spygate or dead spots in the Garden. You always look for something to discredit the other guy. So naturally the haters are going to cling to this Manny thing like gold even though nobody is happier about this development than Bostonians. That’s what made this article so strange. How can a guy who is supposedly the voice of the Boston Sports Fan say he has a mental asterisk next to our World Championships and he’s sad when he looks at the banners? It’s nuts. Seriously is there any other Sox fan on earth not in an insane asylum who feels this way? Nobody fucking cares whether Manny used or not. Nobody fucking cares. It doesn’t even matter to me whether Manny was the only guy on the planet who used steroids as opposed to like all of baseball. It still wouldn’t tarnish the memories. It doesn’t make anything less sweet. It doesn’t take away how I felt when Big Papi went deep or Dave Roberts stole 2nd or Curt Schilling pitched with a bloody sock. It all happened and nothing can ever change that. And how anybody can feel otherwise is simply beyond me. So while Bill Simmons may be a great writer I think it’s time for him to keep his thoughts about Boston Sports to himself because clearly his little stint in LA LA land has caused him to lose all touch with reality.”
So in other words next story please. Per usual the Stool is like 28 steps ahead of everybody else. Yes I’d be nervous if I were Erin Andrews too.
PS - God it must suck to be from NY and have to go against me. It’s like they get knocked out before the bell even rings.
3. Boston.com - Big Papi is likely to get a lot smaller in the marketing world with news that the Red Sox slugger tested positive for performance enhancing drugs. With his genial nature, mile-wide smile, and pristine reputation until now, David Ortiz has racked up about $4.5 million in endorsements over the years from companies including Reebok, JetBlue, and Glaceau, the maker of vitamin water, according to the 2009 Sports Illustrated list of the 50 top-earning American athletes. But his reign as the face of the Red Sox has probably come to an end as companies seek to distance themselves from the scandal. “The success or failure of any brand is trust, and David Ortiz has broken this bond of trust,’’ said John Fisher, former chief executive of shoe company Saucony, who now runs a sports marketing consultancy in Boston.“Fans will be more forgiving than corporate America. Businesses do not want to risk being associated,’’ he said. “It’s just a shame because Ortiz has had this pristine, positive image,’’ said Chris Cakebread, a Boston University professor who teaches sports marketing.
Well when you have a point you have a point. I’m sure Big Papi is going to lose lots of money in endorsement deals because of this. I mean what company would ever risk being associated with somebody who used steroids? Because it’s a slippery slope. Once you start doing that next thing you know companies like Nike will start using rapists as the centerpiece of their entire marketing campaign. Hey wait a minute….
Seriously though I hope Big Papi reads this blog because what I’m about to say is very important. In fact I’m just going to address this to him.
Dear Papi,
Listen nobody with a brain cares that you used steroids. Nobody. We all knew you did it and frankly we’re happy you did. There is no way we win the 2 World Series without you all juiced up. It’s not your fault. You had no choice. Everybody was doing it. Not just on the Red Sox and Yankees but everywhere. MLB looked the other way. Players looked the other way, writers looked the other way, etc. It was good for the game. We get that. It was either take steroids and make millions of dollars and win championships or pump gas. Everybody would have made the same decision in your shoes. If you tell me steroids will make me the best writer on the internet and a millionaire I’ll inject them in my asshole so fast it would make your head spin. Sure Dan Shaugnessy is still cleaning the load off his ceiling from when he found out you were busted but that’s just because he and all the other writers in this city are miserable SOB’s who hate their life, hate the players and hate the fans. Don’t let them skew the reality of the situation. Steroids is a non factor for 99.9% of baseballs fans. So what I’m saying is just come clean. Say you did them. Say you wanted to win the World Series and be the best player possible. If you do that this will blow over tomorrow and I will demand that the Stoolies boycott any company that drops you from their roster because of this fiasco.
BUT if you go the Arod or Clemens route and start making excuses and blaming other people that’s when it gets hairy. We’re not stupid. Just admit you took them and move on. Nobody cares anyway. The bigger issue is being lied to about it after you get busted. Sure you probably should have admitted it right away, but nobody seems to have the balls to do that except Canceco. Still it’s not too late to be the bigger man here. Just take the Andy Petite high road and everybody will forget about it instantly. But if you act like Clemens/Arod then I can’t defend you anymore.
Yours Truly,
Pres
4. FRASER, Mich. – Kenneth Anthony Repke was charged with assault and battery for allegedly hitting a woman during a game of Monopoly. The 56-year-old Fraser woman said she and Repke were playing at a home on the 15000 block of Van Dyke Avenue when Repke wanted to buy Park Place and Boardwalk from her. When she refused, Repke allegedly slapped her in the face, knocking off her glasses and damaging them, said police. Repke admitted to the violence and was arrested. He faces a 93-day misdemeanor.
That bitch! How dare she not trade Park Place and Boardwalk to this guy! Fucking cunt! Ok, calm down Dave. I guess in the interest of fairness we need to know what Repke offered her first. I bet it was all Yellow’s and Greens. I bet that was it. She’d have to be fucking nuts to turn down that deal. Everybody knows if you control that corner you control the game. Bitch probably couldn’t even afford to build on Boardwalk anyway. I mean I’ve seen it a thousand times. Somebody spends all their cash buying that ritzy property and then have no money left to maintain it. This guy was offering her a fucking way out and she says no? I’d slap this chick’s glasses off too! Free Kenneth Repke! Free Kenneth Repke!
5. Boston.com - Kevin Provencher a veteran sports reporter for the New Hampshire Union-Leader was suspended by the Manchester-based newspaper yesterday after he was accused of running a prostitution ring that advertised its services on Craigslist and other websites. Andover police began investigating the case in February after the staff at the Springhill Suites on Minuteman Road in Andover complained. Employees reported that Provencher would reserve a room, often stating that his wife or girlfriend would meet him there later, Defeo said. He would then leave the hotel, one or two women would enter, and shortly after “a steady flow of men would visit the rooms rented by Provencher,’’ Defeo said. Two of the women, who will serve as witnesses, said they responded to an ad on Craigslist for what they believed to be a position with a female-run escort agency. A woman named Patti answered their calls, but Provencher met them for interviews, according to the police report. In one case, a 30-year-old woman was asked to bring “something pretty to wear’’ for photographs, Defeo said. Both women slept with Provencher before they were hired, and one said she believed it “was some type of an audition to be a prostitute,’’ according to the police report. He apparently provided the women with their clients’ names and phone numbers and would allow them to make arrangements to meet their customers in the rooms he rented, Defeo said. He also would run simple background checks on the clients to mak sure they were not undercover police officers, Defeo said. The women would pay Provencher $100 for the room and half their proceedings in person or by directly depositing it in his bank account, Defeo said.
Listen I ain’t mad at Kevin Provencher. Everybody knows newspapers are going bankrupt. So instead of sitting on his ass in a hotel room mailing it in everyday like Shaugnessy does, he went out and tried to earn a 2nd income. And this is how we repay him? Disgusting. Plus who the fuck does the Springhill Suites think they are? This isn’t the Ritz we’re talking about. I mean if people can’t run prostitution rings out of Sprinhill Suites where can you run them out of? Are they really so busy in this economy that they can turn down business like this? Maybe if more people had this guy’s go get em attiude our country wouldn’t be in this economic depression in the first place. Ever think of that?
PS - You can say whatever you want about being a pimp but the audition process is clearly the best part. Also how much was he charging his clients? The chicks were paying 100 bucks for the room and then half the profits? So does that mean he was charging $1,000 bucks a fuck? Seems like a lot right?
6. Metro- Porn star Stormy Daniels has been arrested after allegedly hitting her husband over the way her laundry had been done. Stormy, whose real name is Stephanie Gregory Clifford, was being held on a domestic violence battery after the ‘dust up’ with hubby Michael Mosny at their home in Florida. Mr Mosny told police the state of the laundry had upset her and her displeaure over some unpaid bills tipped her over. It came just hours before a scheduled signing at a Tampa adult book store. Stormy is something of a political star in the US and may be in the running in next year’s US Senate race.
Well it looks like porn star Stormy Daniels can kiss her political aspirations goodbye. Because there are alot of things the public can put up with, but living in a household where the male does the laundry is not one of them. This is just too big a scandal to overcome. I mean if that’s her belief system who’s to say she won’t try to push for women’s suffrage and other crazy shit like that if elected? Listen I have no problem voting for bitch politicians. But they still better cook, clean and do the laundry like a motherfucker. So sorry Stormy, but you just lost my vote.
7. NYDailyNews - He’s a repeat sex offender - who should be registered with the Humane Society. A South Carolina man was busted for having sex with a horse, while on probation for having sex with the same horse. Rodell Vereen, 50, was arrested Monday night in the throes of bestiality by the filly’s shotgun-toting owner, who also has video surveillance of the perverse act. “When they arrested him before I thought that was the end of it,” said Barbara Kenley, who caught Vereen in the middle of his romp in the hay with her 21-year-old horse, Sugar. Vereen was on probation for a buggery conviction stemming from a November 2007 assault on Sugar, a crime that prompted Kenley to wire her stables with surveillance cameras. Kenley said cameras filmed Vereen having sex with her horse on July 19, but when she showed footage to the cops they told her they couldn’t identify the suspect. She suspected Vereen would not be able to stay away from her horse, so she was ready when he snuck into her barn Monday. “I wanted to catch him firsthand,” she said. “It was just a matter of time before I caught him.” When Kenley pointed a shotgun at Vereen, he claimed to be looking for a bathroom. “I told him he was full of crap,” Kenley said. “He apologized and said he didn’t mean to hurt me.”
Listen I don’t want to sit here and defend this guy. Anybody who bangs horses is clearly fucked in the head. But having said that you can’t control who you fall in love with. I mean it’s not like this guy was just running around plugging random horses. Dude had a thing for Sugar. And to be frank I’m not sure that Sugar didn’t’ have a thing for him. I mean do you know how fucking huge horses are? I’m pretty sure if they don’t want to have sex with you, they ain’t going to have sex with you. But time and time again Sugar gave it up to this guy. It almost reminds me of Romeo and Juliet in a way. Two star crossed lovers flouting societies conventions to be together. It’s sad, but beautiful in a way…..
8. LAWRENCEVILLE, Ga.—Police investigating a noise complaint in arrested a 28-year-old woman they said was operating an illegal strip club in her basement and garage. Gwinnett County officers said they also found a sign at the home reading “1 Dollar Jello Shots” and minors drinking alcohol when they investigated on July 18. The woman faces a misdemeanor charge of maintaining a disorderly house and remains free on $1,300 bond. Another woman who lives with the suspect said the whole thing was just a misunderstanding. She said friends threw the suspect a party to celebrate her birthday and newly renovated home. She said that there were no strippers or underage drinking. Police also arrested a 20-year-old guest whom they said lied about his age and was found carrying marijuana in his mouth. He has been released on $3,900 bond.
Well first of all, something tells me the woman, the cops and the kid with the marijuana stuck in his mouth won’t be meeting with Obama anytime soon over a beer. Just a hunch. Anyway, this case is very simple – was there a pole or was there not a pole? That’s really the only relevant question here. “Underage drinking and $1 jello shots” just sounds like a night at Sissy K’s. Throw in a pole, and well, that sounds like a night at the Glass Slipper. Big difference. Not really. Whatever the case, I for one believe this woman when she says it was nothing more than an innocent “house renovation” party. I mean last time I fixed up my kitchen, we had bitches bouncing off the walls for a week.
9. WSPA- Cedar Mountain, N.C. - When golfing, caddies can really make a difference in a round. At one local course the caddies are making the rounds memorable. Llamas are caddying at Sherwood Forest Golf Course in Cedar Mountain, NC. Every Tuesday golfers can rent a llama for 9 holes to carry their clubs. Some say the llamas are the perfect caddies because they don’t critique your swing or say how bad your shot was. But if you are seeking advice, the owner of the llamas say by stomping on the ground the llama agrees with your club choice.The llamas have been at Sherwood Forest for the past two months and the owner, Mark English, is hoping to eventually use the llamas at other area courses. Mark says he came up with the idea on his own, but when researching how to do it, he found a golf course in Pinehurst, NC that has been using llamas for years. The llamas are rented for $40 and two people can share a llama.
Listen, when I go golfing it’s to have a relaxing day off, drink some beers and whip the cart around like a drunk Mario Andretti. Now you’re telling me I need to strap my clubs onto a fucking llama and walk the course at -1 miles per hour? Not to mention probably step in llama shit every 10 feet and have to stop while he sniffs his llama friend’s ass. I mean at the end of the video the thing just bends over and starts eating the fairway. Hello 6 hour round. You want to see a llama? Go to the fucking zoo.
10. From Peter King Monday Morning QB - July 20, Boston. Trip to the urologist. Regular checkup. Two docs. First doc examines me, and I should say he examines me thoroughly. He leaves and the other doc comes in. Very nice fellow, just like the first one. He puts on the rubber glove. Whoa! Whoa! This, uh, already happened! Second urologist wants to check out the situation for himself. Examines me a little more thoroughly. Other than the self-inflicted left-hand bite mark, all’s right with the world. Gosh, I love vacation.
Thank God Peter King is back from vacation. I mean, I enjoyed reading Matt Light filling in for him a couple of weeks back and all. But to me, it just isn’t football season until I’m getting the steady updates about King’s airline travel, his daughter’s softball, his trips to Starbucks and most of all his prostate exams. Yessir, there’s nothing like the mental picture of a bloated Peter King, rolled over on his side biting his hand while two men take turns using their fingers to fish bratwurst chunks out of his ass. Now I’m ready for some football! Of course the one question King left unanswered is did the doctors or did they not, find Brett Favre’s head stuck up there?
11. SOUTHAVEN, Miss.—Police in Mississippi say a woman was carjacked by a bikini-clad suspect, who they say later tried to rob an RV dealership. Southaven Police Chief Tom Long said the 24-year-old suspect approached another woman in her driveway and demanded the car on Thursday. The woman gave up the car without a fight, asking only for time to remove her young children from inside. Long said the suspect then drove the car to the business, where she told employees she had a gun and demanded money. The employees did not believe the claim and restrained her until officers arrived. Police said the suspect appeared to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol. She was charged with carjacking and assault.
Well I guess the first question is how did she carjack somebody in a bikini without a gun? What did she just point her finger like the Fonz? I mean it’s not even a carjack anymore at this point, the mother just sounds like an idiot. Hey lady, do you just let strangers off the street take your car whenever they feel like it? That’s not the Mississippi I know. Whatever the case, it’s too bad the mom didn’t see the Youporn movie I just watched entitled “Young Drunk Whore in a Bikini Carjacks Mississippi MILF”. Because believe me, things finished up a lot better in the clip.
12. Ok enough is enough. What the fuck is going on in Newton? I’m obviously talking about this Relkx Pool at some restaurant called Bokx 109. Apparently Sundays there are like Rehab at the Hard Rock or something. Seriously where the fuck did this thing come from? I’d never heard of it until like two weeks ago, but now every other picture of a chick on facebook is from this place and even the Globe is talking about it. But it’s not all sunshine, tits and candycanes. Because while there appears to be lots of hot bitchs going there, it also appears to be the epicenter of the Masshole universe. I’m talking for every girl there seems to be like 19 meatheads all roided out. I’ve literally never seen anything like it. I’m telling you it makes Waterworks and the Jersey Shore look like the Wang Center. So this brings up the age old question. Is it worth going to a place like this just to look at a couple hot chicks? For me the answer is a resounding no. Sorry, but I’m all set with the Guido Beach of Newton.
13. O.J. Simpson is scared to death his prison cellmate is plotting to kill him, The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively. In a fit of panic, the fallen football star — who’s serving 9 to 33 years at Nevada’s Lovelock Correctional Center — called a close friend, shouting that the inmate sharing his cell wants to strangle him. “I’ve never known O.J. to be so scared,” the friend told The ENQUIRER. “He’s terrified of his cellmate. O.J. says the guy is a murderer and a rapist, and he can’t believe prison officials have put such a man in with him. “The guy in O.J.’s cell has been there for months. O.J. says he has become increasingly menacing.” O.J. says his cellmate glares at him most of the day. He told his close friend he fears bedtime because “he’s told me he is going to strangle me in my sleep the first chance he gets.”
Will the suffering never end for OJ? First he loses his wife and his wife’s friend to a Columbian drug cartel and now this? Being threatened with murder by a crazed, menacing, homicidal lunatic? I mean, what if this guy sneaks up on Juice and cuts his throat all the way back to his spinal column? And then what if the guy puts together a team of publicity-mad lawyers who put on a circus trial in front of a jury of morons who don’t pay attention and the guy gets acquitted? What if he literally gets away with murdering OJ? Then how would any of us sleep at night? Because while I grant you that OJ did steal that memorabilia out of that Vegas hotel room, and he does owe a debt to society. But what did he ever do to deserve this?
14. Suntimes - Florida quarterback Tim Tebow is a virgin. We know this because a Fanhouse reporter decided the sex life of a college quarterback is appropriate football fodder, despite his colleague’s impassioned chiding of exactly that type of ’sports’ journalism. With a laugh, a quip and the words, “Yes, I am,” Tebow became perhaps the only college kid in the country who will be asked in a public forum to discuss such a private matter. To Tebow’s credit, he didn’t shy away from it or Rosenhaus it. He’s a proud Christian, determined to be a role model for fans and fellow players. He’s never avoided talking about his faith, and by all accounts he’s someone who talks the talk and walks the walk. He calls reporters, “sir” and “ma’am.” He says “please” and “thank you.” And it’s all Southern gentlemanly genuine.
BAHAHAH! Listen I don’t know Tim Tebow from a hole in the wall. He seems like a nice enough guy, good Christian, blah, blah, blah, but this is the single biggest lie I’ve ever heard any human being utter in the history of life. There is no way Tim Tebow is a virgin. None. This isn’t open to debate. This isn’t like a question. This is a simple statement of fact. 1 + 1 = 2. It will get dark tonight. Tim Tebow is not a virgin. All undisputable scientific facts. The only explanation for how he could make such an outrageous claim is that he was using the Division 1 QB definition of virgin which means he hasn’t fucked every hot girl at his school yet. But even then I still wouldn’t believe him.
15. NFL.com - The NFL draft will kick off in primetime for the first time in 2010, it was announced Thursday. The first round of the 2010 NFL Draft will start on Thursday, April 22 at 7:30 p.m. ET, with the second and third rounds on Friday, April 23 at 6:30 p.m. ET, followed by Rounds 4-7 on Saturday, April 24 at 10 a.m. ET… “We continue to look for ways to make the draft more accessible to more fans,” NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said. “Moving the first round to prime time on Thursday night will make the first round of the draft available to fans on what is typically the most-watched night of television.”
The Draft is going to be on Thursday nights now? Aaaawe-SOME! Thank you Roger Goodell! Thank you so much for making it more available to me. You’re right, it was so hard to access tucked away there on Saturday afternoon. It’s a wonder any of us ever found it at all. It was real downer, getting together with other Draftniks, spending the whole day drinking beers and gorging on chicken wings and nachos, only to have the whole day ruined because the broadcast wasn’t “available” to us. Now since nobody really cares about Rounds 4-7, you’ve freed up my entire Saturday next April 24, and that’s time I can spend doing the things I really love: namely going to the dump, running my kids to their games and doing yardwork. Oh, and best of all, I know that after winning the Super Bowl, the Pats will be making pick No. 32 sometime around 1AM, which will give me plenty of time to blog about it. Thank you, Mr. Commissioner. I look forward to you moving the Super Bowl to Tuesday evening so I can spend the first Sunday in February cleaning out the garage.
16. NYPOST- The Web site where voyeur videos of ESPN sideline reporter Erin Andrews first appeared has yet to be called by police — raising doubts about how aggressively the case is being pursued. “We have not been contacted by authorities or heard from investigators,” a spokesman for Dailymotion told The Post yesterday. Computer-security experts said cops could quickly find the peeping Tom’s identity by subpoenaing the site’s records. Andrews’ lawyer, Marshall Grossman, refused to say which authorities had been contacted about the case and why no law enforcement had yet reached out to the site. Andrews notified ESPN of the videos on July 16 and asked for help taking them down, a network spokesman said. ESPN’s general counsel then sent out a letter demanding they be removed, without mentioning Andrews by name. That letter sparked speculation among site operators that the woman was Andrews. Shortly afterward, her lawyer confirmed it was her and threatened legal action against people displaying the images. Todd Stefan, of the Los Angeles computer investigation firm Setec Investigations, said it was “surprising” that authorities had not contacted Dailymotion. ESPN yesterday declined to discuss her contract terms, but people familiar with the network say she is likely on nothing more than a two-year pact and earns up to $150,000 annually.
Did the Pres do it again or did the Pres do it again? I mean this is beginning to become hit you over the head obvious. Because if Erin Andrews or ESPN really wanted to find out who took these peephole videos, Daily Motion would have been contacted 2 seconds after this story broke. But just like I’ve said from the beginning obviously Erin Andrews is in on this. Her contract sucks. She wants a better deal. What better way to do that then release the naked videos of herself with a shaved pussy checking out her ass? It’s publicity 101. And the best part is that she used ESPN as a pawn in her little game by telling them about the videos so people would finally notice them. Pretty much exactly what I said from day one. And the beat goes on at the Stool. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.
17. EVANSVILLE, Ind. — The son of former Yankees star first baseman Don Mattingly was arraigned Wednesday on misdemeanor charges of shoving his mother and spitting in her face after she allegedly sent him an insulting text message…Taylor Mattingly, 24… acknowledged confronting his mother, Kim Mattingly, on Tuesday afternoon in her Evansville home after she had sent him a text message insulting him, his girlfriend and his father… The deputy wrote in an affidavit that Mattingly acknowledged pushing his mother down and spitting on her. Mattingly, who surrendered to police Tuesday evening, also acknowledged smashing a patio table, flipping over a second table and damaging a patio door and a window. The affidavit states that Taylor Mattingly, who was drafted by the Yankees in the 42nd round in 2003 but no longer plays professionally, said his mother had been drinking and that when she gets drunk she calls him and makes rude comments.
Out of respect for Manzo, whom I’m pretty sure cut his teeth as a Yankee fan during the Donnie Baseball era, I’m going to try to avoid saying anything too bad about Mattingly. Other than this just proves what I’ve always believed: that he was vastly overrated. I’ll never forget that legendary Sports Illustrated article where they had Mattingly, Ted Williams and Wade Boggs talking hitting, and I remember thinking at the time that he didn’t belong in Ted and Wade’s company. Now we find out he doesn’t even do family dysfunction as well as those two. C’mon… spitting in your mom’s face? Angry text messages? Busted up patio furniture? That’s amateur hour. The stuff daytime TV judge programs are made of. Williams and Boggs were not only two of the greatest lefty hitters ever, they were among the all time greats at screwing up their family lives. Boggs’ mistress outed the entire Red Sox locker room for cheating on their wives and named Boggs as the ringleader. Teddy so alienated his kids that one of them had his head cut off and froze it. The Yankees can say all they want about 26 titles, but when it comes to domestic dysfunction, their great players have nothing on ours.
18. ShanghaiDaily.com - A 14-YEAR-OLD boy drank gasoline for five years to obtain “energy” - just as his idols “Bumble Bee” or “Optimus Prime” do in “Transformers,” the Sichuan-based West China Metropolis Daily reported yesterday. After the boy, in Yibin City, southwest Sichuan Province, had watched the animated TV series, he began to drink gasoline to become a “valiant fighter” like “Optimus Prime,” his father told the newspaper. “He began to drink gasoline five years ago, when we found he liked smelling lighter fuel,” he said. The parents talked to their son and asked him not to do it again. “But afterwards we found our motorcycle’s gasoline was always disappearing, and one day when we found the boy had drunk a half bottle of gasoline stolen from the motorcycle, we were too shocked to say anything,” the father said.”Since my son started to drink gas, his IQ has dropped sharply and now he can’t figure out simple addition and subtraction,” the father said. “Before that, he was a very smart boy, and he could even repair the television. But now he does not know the answer of 7 plus 17.” The worried parents finally took their son to hospital where they were told the boy had a mental disorder and a strong “gasoline dependence.”
So let me get this straight. In the five years of this kid drinking gasoline the parents had one talk with him asking him not to do it? That’s it? And now the dad has the balls to complain that his kid can’t even do simple math anymore. Well no fuck dude. Maybe if you didn’t just sit there and watch your kid suck down gallons of gas like he was drinking Capri Sun’s we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I mean I may not be the best dad when I have a kid, but I’ll be damned if I let him develop a gas drinking dependency on my watch. You want to be a degenerate son? Stick to drugs, gambling and alcohol like everybody else.
19. DailyTelegraph - THE attempted armed robbery of a Russian hairdresser became a three-day sex ordeal for the would-be thief, leaving him with torn genitals and a Viagra hangover. IT website The Register reports the man, known as Viktor, tried to rob the hairdresser in the town of Meshchovsk. The owner, 28-year-old Olga, agreed to hand over the takings but as she was giving him the money, used her karate skills to knock him to the ground and tie him up with a hairdryer cord. She then locked him in the storeroom and told colleagues she’d call the police. However, she instead stripped him and cuffed him to a heater with a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs. She then fed him Viagra and raped him several times over the next four days. When finally released, Viktor went first to hospital for treatment for his torn frenulum, and then reported Olga to the police. When she was arrested, Olga reported him for robbery. “What a b**tard,” she complained. “Yes, we had sex a couple of times. But I’ve bought him new jeans, gave him food and even gave him 1000 roubles when he left.” Viktor admitted she had fed him well.
If I had a nickel for every time I heard a story that began with an armed robbery ended with torn genitals and a viagra hangover I’d be a rich man by now. But seriously what’s the deal with these foreign stories? This story can’t be true right? I mean the dude gets karate chopped to the ground, tied up with pink fluffy handcuffed and then raped for four straight days? Cmon. Maybe if this was India where people are born with like 19 feet and turn into trees on a regular basis I could believe it. But I feel like the Commies are trying to pull a fast one on us stupid Americans here. They’re probably sitting back drinking vodka and watching their pageviews shoot through the roof as we speak. Well enough is enough. I’m calling bullshit. Seriously what type of pussy robber would call the cops after getting four straight days of sex, a new pair of jeans, money and good food? You’d have to be insane. So sorry but I’m not buying it. You got to wake up a little bit earlier than this to slip one past the Pres.
20. Inside Track - Sir Elton John schmoozing a posse of New England Patriots and his BFs Robert & Myra Kraft in the Gillette Stadium owner’s box before his sold-out show with Billy Joel. (Elton let it slip that he’ll be the Pats’ honorary captain when Tom Brady & Co. take on Tampa Bay at London’s Wembley Stadium Oct. 25)
OK, I get it. Kraft and Elton John have some kind of a buddy thing going. I remember a few years ago Kraft threw a big hush-hush private party at Gillette for his wedding anniversary or something and Elton performed. I remember reading a couple of stories about Elton learning about football and becoming a Patriots fan and stuff about him coming to Revolution games. So I get that Kraft would want his probably only British friend to be a part of things when the Pats go to London. As a matter of fact, I’d call this a typically brilliant move by the Kraft family. The Pats are going into 2009 with a bit of a leadership vacuum after losing Mike Vrabel in a trade and Rodney Harrison to retirement. And those guys were two of the toughest, most respected competitors in the game. So who better to fill the void than the man who hobnobbed with Princess Di, hosts the biggest Oscar party every year, dresses like Marie Antoinette and Donald Duck and wrote all the music for the Lion King? Sure they could’ve made the safe choice and picked Troy Brown or Andre Tippett or somebody. But I give them credit for thinking outside the box. Because nothing can fire up a football team like the soulful melodies of a flamboyantly gay icon. After all, Vrabel used to go both ways too.
21. Inside Track - Red Sox [team stats] owner John Henry is getting a Bronx cheer from Pinstripes fans after he mocked the newly created Yankees Universe on his Twitter page. “News from Yankees Universe,” Henry tweeted. “Big upsurge in membership. Apparently coming mostly from Pluto. Not doing nearly as well on Mars.” Henry, of course, is reveling in the fact that the Bronx Bombers created Yankees Universe because they are so obviously trying to one-up his club’s rabid Red Sox Nation .
Ok, if John Henry is going to keep acting like a 15 year old girl and twitting his little brains out, can we at least get him a team of writers? Seriously I’m sick of his weak ass shit. I mean it’s bad enough that we just fell out of first place without Dr. Creepy sending out the most unfunny, unoriginal, dorky tweets since twitter was invented. Just shut up dude and concentrate trying to get to first base with your wife! No way they’ve fucked yet right? So memo to the world. John Henry may own the team but he doesn’t speak for us. HE DOESN’T SPEAK FOR US! I do.